Earlier this week, I spent some time in class explaining the differences between "bored" and "boring," "excited" and "exciting," "embarrassed" and "embarrassing." For some reason, the students always get really confused about how to use the two adjectives. For example, the difference in meaning between saying "I am bored" and "I am boring."
I had just finished explaining embarrass. So I asked the class, "What are examples of some things that might make you feel embarrassed?"
Lisa, one of my favorite students, answers,
"Walking into the men's bathroom."
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Nationalism at its best (and its worst)
It's been a little over a week since the 8.0 earthquake hit Sichuan. I've been following the news, trying to digest the photos, the news reports, and the ever rising death toll, and having an extremely hard time trying to put into words all the feelings bubbling up inside.
I guess in the simplest terms, all those feelings amount to... I am extremely extremely upset and distraught. And I've actually been wondering if there's some special kind of therapy for or psychological term for the kind of trauma one experiences from events that one hasn't actually experienced personally. Cuz whatever kind of trauma that is, I think I've got it.
A few days ago, one of my students said, "This is a very bad year for China." Ain't that the truth. What with the disruptions in the Olympic Torch Relay, the protests in Tibet, the boycott of the Olympics, and now the Sichuan earthquake, it has indeed been a very bad year for China.
On Monday of this week, we observed a 3 minute moment of silence beginning at 2:28 pm, at the exact time the earthquake occurred a week earlier. I stood silently, with my students, arms folded across my chest, eyes downward, and all I could hear were the blaring of cars horns. It sounded like air raid sirens. My body was shivering, and all I could think was, "I want to cry right now, but I can't."
In my time here, I've had my ups and downs with Chinese nationalism. At some point during my stay here, I've felt a deep connection with China and all things Chinese. Other times, I simply couldn't believe how repressive the government was. But even with all the issues I have with the way things are done here, somewhere inside of me I still have a deep, deep love for China and Chinese people (What can I say, the kool-aid is quite effective). And so when I see the footage of the earthquake victims, I can't help but think, "Those are my people suffering. When they suffer, I suffer." And it has everything to do with being Chinese.
And that is nationalism at its best. I know I'm generalizing, but I don't think it would be a stretch to say that other Chinese people probably feel the same way I do. "Those are my people. What can I do to help my fellow people?" I am impressed by the level of selflessness the majority of people here have expressed. I am impressed, but not surprised. It's not surprising because people here are helping out of sheer love for their country. They love their country, so when they see that a part of their country is suffering, they will do everything in their power to relieve that suffering.
I did just read a New York Times article though that commented on how remarkable it is the government is allowing such a large public involvement in the matter. It is actually the first time the Chinese government has ever accepted foreign aid for a disaster. Again I argue, it is all out of love for China and their fellow Chinese people. (I guess even the Chinese bureaucrats can put their egos aside to provide help to those who need it).
And with all this news coverage (I'm talking 24/7 coverage of relief efforts), I've heard many a discussion about comparisons to the tsunami in 2004, Myanmar, and Hurricane Katrina. One of my colleagues today said that the lightning fast response of the Chinese government officials to the earthquake really puts the U.S. to shame, particularly in regards to Hurricane Katrina. And I have to agree. What happened with Hurricane Katrina was an absolute catastrophe. But I have to say that, among other things, it had everything to do with race. And that is one area where China has it a lot less complicated. That's not to say that there's no racism in China, or that everyone living in China is Han Chinese (in fact, there are over 50 ethnic minority groups living in China), but it just isn't so blatantly obvious (well actually, sometimes it is, but people just don't label it racism).
Now I hate to play the speculation game, but you all have heard those comments like, "If Hurricane Katrina had hit a rich, white area instead of a poor, black one, would the government response be just as slow?" And now I pose a similar hypothetical question, "If the earthquake hit one of the areas in China comprised primarily of an ethnic minority group, say Tibet, would the public response be just as unwaveringly supportive?" Now I know this is all speculative, but I would argue that the answer would be No. I think there would be a sense of hesitation from the uber-nationalist Chinese people, some self-satisfied feelings like, "Well Tibetans, doesn't that teach you a lesson about biting the hand that feeds you?" and who knows, maybe even a bit of resentment if there was a strong international outpour of support for Tibet (nationalism at its worst). But there's really no use in playing this game now.
Though quite honestly, I think much of the strong sense of empathy expressed has to do with seeing those news reports and being able to physically identify with the victims of the quake, being able to sit there and think, "That could be me, or my sister, or my mother, or my grandmother."
My heart goes out to all those displaced and affected by the earthquake. It scares and pains me to think about what those people who lost everything will do now (and how the government will (or won't) step in to help them).
And to end with some additional food for thought. So the Chinese government has the People's Liberation Army (the national Chinese military force) doing a bulk of the relief work. On the one hand, way to consolidate resources, multi-task and make use of organized people power, China. On the other hand, that just means the military is really powerful and is pretty much ready to be dispatched in full force to any situation at the beck and call of the CPC. Hmmm..... (and sadly, history has already shown how this second scenario could be to the detriment of the people).
I guess in the simplest terms, all those feelings amount to... I am extremely extremely upset and distraught. And I've actually been wondering if there's some special kind of therapy for or psychological term for the kind of trauma one experiences from events that one hasn't actually experienced personally. Cuz whatever kind of trauma that is, I think I've got it.
A few days ago, one of my students said, "This is a very bad year for China." Ain't that the truth. What with the disruptions in the Olympic Torch Relay, the protests in Tibet, the boycott of the Olympics, and now the Sichuan earthquake, it has indeed been a very bad year for China.
On Monday of this week, we observed a 3 minute moment of silence beginning at 2:28 pm, at the exact time the earthquake occurred a week earlier. I stood silently, with my students, arms folded across my chest, eyes downward, and all I could hear were the blaring of cars horns. It sounded like air raid sirens. My body was shivering, and all I could think was, "I want to cry right now, but I can't."
In my time here, I've had my ups and downs with Chinese nationalism. At some point during my stay here, I've felt a deep connection with China and all things Chinese. Other times, I simply couldn't believe how repressive the government was. But even with all the issues I have with the way things are done here, somewhere inside of me I still have a deep, deep love for China and Chinese people (What can I say, the kool-aid is quite effective). And so when I see the footage of the earthquake victims, I can't help but think, "Those are my people suffering. When they suffer, I suffer." And it has everything to do with being Chinese.
And that is nationalism at its best. I know I'm generalizing, but I don't think it would be a stretch to say that other Chinese people probably feel the same way I do. "Those are my people. What can I do to help my fellow people?" I am impressed by the level of selflessness the majority of people here have expressed. I am impressed, but not surprised. It's not surprising because people here are helping out of sheer love for their country. They love their country, so when they see that a part of their country is suffering, they will do everything in their power to relieve that suffering.
I did just read a New York Times article though that commented on how remarkable it is the government is allowing such a large public involvement in the matter. It is actually the first time the Chinese government has ever accepted foreign aid for a disaster. Again I argue, it is all out of love for China and their fellow Chinese people. (I guess even the Chinese bureaucrats can put their egos aside to provide help to those who need it).
And with all this news coverage (I'm talking 24/7 coverage of relief efforts), I've heard many a discussion about comparisons to the tsunami in 2004, Myanmar, and Hurricane Katrina. One of my colleagues today said that the lightning fast response of the Chinese government officials to the earthquake really puts the U.S. to shame, particularly in regards to Hurricane Katrina. And I have to agree. What happened with Hurricane Katrina was an absolute catastrophe. But I have to say that, among other things, it had everything to do with race. And that is one area where China has it a lot less complicated. That's not to say that there's no racism in China, or that everyone living in China is Han Chinese (in fact, there are over 50 ethnic minority groups living in China), but it just isn't so blatantly obvious (well actually, sometimes it is, but people just don't label it racism).
Now I hate to play the speculation game, but you all have heard those comments like, "If Hurricane Katrina had hit a rich, white area instead of a poor, black one, would the government response be just as slow?" And now I pose a similar hypothetical question, "If the earthquake hit one of the areas in China comprised primarily of an ethnic minority group, say Tibet, would the public response be just as unwaveringly supportive?" Now I know this is all speculative, but I would argue that the answer would be No. I think there would be a sense of hesitation from the uber-nationalist Chinese people, some self-satisfied feelings like, "Well Tibetans, doesn't that teach you a lesson about biting the hand that feeds you?" and who knows, maybe even a bit of resentment if there was a strong international outpour of support for Tibet (nationalism at its worst). But there's really no use in playing this game now.
Though quite honestly, I think much of the strong sense of empathy expressed has to do with seeing those news reports and being able to physically identify with the victims of the quake, being able to sit there and think, "That could be me, or my sister, or my mother, or my grandmother."
My heart goes out to all those displaced and affected by the earthquake. It scares and pains me to think about what those people who lost everything will do now (and how the government will (or won't) step in to help them).
And to end with some additional food for thought. So the Chinese government has the People's Liberation Army (the national Chinese military force) doing a bulk of the relief work. On the one hand, way to consolidate resources, multi-task and make use of organized people power, China. On the other hand, that just means the military is really powerful and is pretty much ready to be dispatched in full force to any situation at the beck and call of the CPC. Hmmm..... (and sadly, history has already shown how this second scenario could be to the detriment of the people).
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Beijing, you're so polluted, you make me mad.
The moment I step outside, I feel like I'm being pelted by debris. It's in my eyes, up my nose, in the back of my throat. And it feels gritty and dirty. Now I completely understand why old Chinese men are constantly hocking up loogies onto the street. They're EATING the pollution! I don't know how anyone has clear skin here. I'm constantly breaking out. Not pretty. It's so smoky and dusty all the time, I feel like I'm inhaling smoke all the time.
So the Chinese government recently issued a ban on smoking. Beginning May 1st, no more smoking in... SCHOOLS and HOSPITALS! Are you kidding me?! You mean it was actually okay to smoke in schools and hospitals prior to this ban?! They initially wanted to ban smoking in restaurants and bars too, but the business owners got pissy. I guess it's a step in the right direction at least.
And now that it's spring, add pollen and mysterious white puffs (from trees that aren't close enough to be seen), and it's hell for every orifice on my face. I might have to start wearing goggles around outside. And my face feels so gross from the sweat and the heat, and it's not even humid yet. Lovely. I can't wait for summer.
Remember to cut me some slack if next time you see me, my face is covered in pocks and flecks (actual phrasing on Chinese acne medication).
So the Chinese government recently issued a ban on smoking. Beginning May 1st, no more smoking in... SCHOOLS and HOSPITALS! Are you kidding me?! You mean it was actually okay to smoke in schools and hospitals prior to this ban?! They initially wanted to ban smoking in restaurants and bars too, but the business owners got pissy. I guess it's a step in the right direction at least.
And now that it's spring, add pollen and mysterious white puffs (from trees that aren't close enough to be seen), and it's hell for every orifice on my face. I might have to start wearing goggles around outside. And my face feels so gross from the sweat and the heat, and it's not even humid yet. Lovely. I can't wait for summer.
Remember to cut me some slack if next time you see me, my face is covered in pocks and flecks (actual phrasing on Chinese acne medication).
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Reporting from Seoul, S.Korea!
Dear Friends and Readers,
Please forgive me for having neglected my blog for so long. I started writing pretty frequently in my personal blog, so I kinda gave up writing detailed entries here (In case you haven't noticed from the many video posts). But now I am back!
And I'm in Korea!
I arrived yesterday afternoon in Seoul and have been spending all my time with the beloved Min! It's been really great.
Here is the play-by-play, more for my sake than for your's.
I woke up at 4am on Saturday morning, to take a van to the airport at 6am for my 8:50am flight. The new Terminal at the Beijing airport is really impressive. It's quite pretty and clean-looking. It took an hour to go through check-in and security. I'm a dummy; I got my hand sanitizer and my hand lotion confiscated. I hate how paranoid airports make me feel. I also have this weird phobia that people won't believe that my passport actually belongs to me (since I don't really look like my photo anymore).
Smooth 2 hour flight. Passed out and scarfed sandwiches. Arrived in Seoul at 12pm, and took a bus to a hotel. Quickly realized that I did not understand what anyone around me was saying. Passed out on the bus too. Was able to make my way to the hostel without any problems.
Dropped my stuff off and tried to get in contact with Min. Again I was a dummy and didn't write down his cell phone number so I had to go on the internet to find it, and then find a phone to call him. Ended up making 2 trips back and forth from the hostel to the pay phone a block away because I couldn't figure out how to use the pay phone and I wasn't sure if I had the right number.
Finally reached him and found him at the subway stop. HEART skipped a beat when I saw Min in a corduroy brown blazer and brown leather dress shoes. Ate a delicious lunch of shrimp omelet rice at OmutoTomato. Went back to the hostel to drop Min's stuff off and pass out for another hour.
When we finally decide to pick our asses up off the bed, we walked around the college town area near my hostel and scoped out different restaurants. This place is super trendy (the area near Hongik University), well trendy, hipster, artsy, punk all mixed up. There were lots of bars, lots of street vendors, lots of college kids with great looking hair and even better looking accessories. We saw this rock band perform in the park.
For dinner we had noodles cooked in a giant pot. Then we roamed the streets looking for Krispy Kreme (my idea). After stuffing our faces, we decided to eat more, so we ate deep fried squid and drank beer at a street stall. Then we met up with Min's cousin Andrew and went to this bar called Ta (in Chinese characters, it's Da). Saw some cool kids perform, and some not so cool expats dance shamelessly. Then Min and I migrated to Con Bar and I had a little "Iced Tea" action. Made it home at 3am. Sounds like a great first night in Seoul.
DAY 2
Slept in till 10:30am. Woohoo! Picked up some sweet potato raisin bread from Paris Baguette for breakfast. Took the subway over to City Hall. Saw tons of Chinese people waving giant Chinese flags across the street at a concert for the Olympic Torch Relay. Felt oddly comforted. Then Min and I went inside City Hall, took some great pics, and frolicked.
Next, we headed to the National Palace. Walked, a lot, and went into the Folk Museum. Saw parts of a funeral procession. Also got to see the changing of the guards outside the palace. I got really scared by the giant drum. BANG BANG BANG (does a drum go bang?) Afterwards we went to Dongdaemun Market, where we ate this deliciously yummy Korean stew and a soft-serve cone that was at least 8 inches high (no joke. Pics to come).
Soon though, I had to say good-bye to Min since he needed to go back to Ochang to teach tomorrow. So I stayed around the market area and bought myself eyeliner, a cell phone dangly in the shape of a mini-Soju bottle and bottle opener, and charcoal soap (yes, I am equally intrigued). Afterwards, I took the subway (by myself!) back to the Hongik area.
I was in search of food, even though I wasn't hungry since Min and I ate "lunch" at 4pm. I ate an ice cream hot dog (a hot dog bun filled with ice cream, berry sauce, and sprinkles/nuts). It was an accident. I thought I was ordering a regular hot dog. Then to balance the sweet with the salty, I ate some street food, rice cakes and bean curd on a stick. DELICIOUS!
Tomorrow I explore Seoul, solo. I am finally getting over my nervousness about speaking English to people. I mean, I have no choice really, but for some reason I almost feel disrespectful speaking to people in English. As if, I should be making some effort to learn and speak their language. I've been asking Min how to say some stuff in Korean, but I think he gets annoyed with me for getting the pronunciation absolutely wrong. I think he also gets annoyed that anytime he tells me something about Korea, I immediately answer, "Well in China, it's like this...." I feel bad making him my Korean native informant, but I want to know more about the place I'm in, and it seems more efficient to just ask him instead of reading about it online or somewhere.
More updates soon. And in a day, I'm going to visit Min's host family and watch him teach!!!
Please forgive me for having neglected my blog for so long. I started writing pretty frequently in my personal blog, so I kinda gave up writing detailed entries here (In case you haven't noticed from the many video posts). But now I am back!
And I'm in Korea!
I arrived yesterday afternoon in Seoul and have been spending all my time with the beloved Min! It's been really great.
Here is the play-by-play, more for my sake than for your's.
I woke up at 4am on Saturday morning, to take a van to the airport at 6am for my 8:50am flight. The new Terminal at the Beijing airport is really impressive. It's quite pretty and clean-looking. It took an hour to go through check-in and security. I'm a dummy; I got my hand sanitizer and my hand lotion confiscated. I hate how paranoid airports make me feel. I also have this weird phobia that people won't believe that my passport actually belongs to me (since I don't really look like my photo anymore).
Smooth 2 hour flight. Passed out and scarfed sandwiches. Arrived in Seoul at 12pm, and took a bus to a hotel. Quickly realized that I did not understand what anyone around me was saying. Passed out on the bus too. Was able to make my way to the hostel without any problems.
Dropped my stuff off and tried to get in contact with Min. Again I was a dummy and didn't write down his cell phone number so I had to go on the internet to find it, and then find a phone to call him. Ended up making 2 trips back and forth from the hostel to the pay phone a block away because I couldn't figure out how to use the pay phone and I wasn't sure if I had the right number.
Finally reached him and found him at the subway stop. HEART skipped a beat when I saw Min in a corduroy brown blazer and brown leather dress shoes. Ate a delicious lunch of shrimp omelet rice at OmutoTomato. Went back to the hostel to drop Min's stuff off and pass out for another hour.
When we finally decide to pick our asses up off the bed, we walked around the college town area near my hostel and scoped out different restaurants. This place is super trendy (the area near Hongik University), well trendy, hipster, artsy, punk all mixed up. There were lots of bars, lots of street vendors, lots of college kids with great looking hair and even better looking accessories. We saw this rock band perform in the park.
For dinner we had noodles cooked in a giant pot. Then we roamed the streets looking for Krispy Kreme (my idea). After stuffing our faces, we decided to eat more, so we ate deep fried squid and drank beer at a street stall. Then we met up with Min's cousin Andrew and went to this bar called Ta (in Chinese characters, it's Da). Saw some cool kids perform, and some not so cool expats dance shamelessly. Then Min and I migrated to Con Bar and I had a little "Iced Tea" action. Made it home at 3am. Sounds like a great first night in Seoul.
DAY 2
Slept in till 10:30am. Woohoo! Picked up some sweet potato raisin bread from Paris Baguette for breakfast. Took the subway over to City Hall. Saw tons of Chinese people waving giant Chinese flags across the street at a concert for the Olympic Torch Relay. Felt oddly comforted. Then Min and I went inside City Hall, took some great pics, and frolicked.
Next, we headed to the National Palace. Walked, a lot, and went into the Folk Museum. Saw parts of a funeral procession. Also got to see the changing of the guards outside the palace. I got really scared by the giant drum. BANG BANG BANG (does a drum go bang?) Afterwards we went to Dongdaemun Market, where we ate this deliciously yummy Korean stew and a soft-serve cone that was at least 8 inches high (no joke. Pics to come).
Soon though, I had to say good-bye to Min since he needed to go back to Ochang to teach tomorrow. So I stayed around the market area and bought myself eyeliner, a cell phone dangly in the shape of a mini-Soju bottle and bottle opener, and charcoal soap (yes, I am equally intrigued). Afterwards, I took the subway (by myself!) back to the Hongik area.
I was in search of food, even though I wasn't hungry since Min and I ate "lunch" at 4pm. I ate an ice cream hot dog (a hot dog bun filled with ice cream, berry sauce, and sprinkles/nuts). It was an accident. I thought I was ordering a regular hot dog. Then to balance the sweet with the salty, I ate some street food, rice cakes and bean curd on a stick. DELICIOUS!
Tomorrow I explore Seoul, solo. I am finally getting over my nervousness about speaking English to people. I mean, I have no choice really, but for some reason I almost feel disrespectful speaking to people in English. As if, I should be making some effort to learn and speak their language. I've been asking Min how to say some stuff in Korean, but I think he gets annoyed with me for getting the pronunciation absolutely wrong. I think he also gets annoyed that anytime he tells me something about Korea, I immediately answer, "Well in China, it's like this...." I feel bad making him my Korean native informant, but I want to know more about the place I'm in, and it seems more efficient to just ask him instead of reading about it online or somewhere.
More updates soon. And in a day, I'm going to visit Min's host family and watch him teach!!!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Weekend getaway in Tianjin
I took a trip to Tianjin (the municipality that borders Beijing, an hour away) last weekend. Here are the videos from the trip.
It all started with the madness in the subway station as I was trying to get to the railway station. Needless to say, I missed my train and had to wait for the next one.
This is Friday morning rush hour on the Beijing subway system. Notice the crowds and crowds of people. Nope, they're not waiting for tickets for the Celine Dion concert, they're just waiting for their turn to shove onto the subway. As the Chinese would say, people mountain people sea (translation: It's a sea of people, and a crowd of people as high as a mountain). Taken on March 21, 2008. Sihui East subway station in Beijing.
One of the notable characteristics of Tianjin is the construction that is ongoing everywhere! It's even crazier than Beijing!
Warning: I took this video while walking, so it's very very shaky. I take no responsibility if you get dizzy from watching this video. I mean, you probably will, so I apologize in advance. And a sidenote: The woman at the end is picking out and sorting the good bricks so that they can be used again in another building. Taken on March 21, 2008 during my weekend trip to TianJin, China.
At one of the various tourist spots in Tianjin.
Outside the Drum Tower in TianJin, I found an old man using a large brush and water, practicing traditional Chinese calligraphy on the ground. His writing is absolutely gorgeous, and I was pretty mesmerized just watching him write so beautifully with such ease. A crowd formed to watch him. The building at the end is the drum tower. Taken on March 21, 2008 in Tianjin, China.
It all started with the madness in the subway station as I was trying to get to the railway station. Needless to say, I missed my train and had to wait for the next one.
This is Friday morning rush hour on the Beijing subway system. Notice the crowds and crowds of people. Nope, they're not waiting for tickets for the Celine Dion concert, they're just waiting for their turn to shove onto the subway. As the Chinese would say, people mountain people sea (translation: It's a sea of people, and a crowd of people as high as a mountain). Taken on March 21, 2008. Sihui East subway station in Beijing.
One of the notable characteristics of Tianjin is the construction that is ongoing everywhere! It's even crazier than Beijing!
Warning: I took this video while walking, so it's very very shaky. I take no responsibility if you get dizzy from watching this video. I mean, you probably will, so I apologize in advance. And a sidenote: The woman at the end is picking out and sorting the good bricks so that they can be used again in another building. Taken on March 21, 2008 during my weekend trip to TianJin, China.
At one of the various tourist spots in Tianjin.
Outside the Drum Tower in TianJin, I found an old man using a large brush and water, practicing traditional Chinese calligraphy on the ground. His writing is absolutely gorgeous, and I was pretty mesmerized just watching him write so beautifully with such ease. A crowd formed to watch him. The building at the end is the drum tower. Taken on March 21, 2008 in Tianjin, China.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
My life does not exist in a vacuum
It's been over a month since my last post. A lot has happened since, and I've been trying my best to process all that is going on around me. I have to admit that I've been silent for a while because I have been struggling to find the words to describe the amazing experience I had last month, when I connected with distant family in Southern China.
But today, I decided that it's important for me to brush off the laziness, and write.
If you've been following the news, you'll know that starting last Monday, there were anti-China protests going on in Tibet. The protests have escalated into rioting, and the Chinese government has issued a curfew in Lhasa, warning people to stay indoors for the next few DAYS.
But what you probably don't know, is the Chinese government's spin on this whole thing. First of all, the coverage of the protests is extremely extremely minimal. The story is briefly mentioned and is talked about as if the situation has been completely resolved (the few stories recently published focus on the cleaning up of debris in the streets and the reopening of shops, as well as quotes from residents expressing the sheer normalcy of their lives).
Not only that, but the news reports also put all the negative focus on the rioters, portraying them as unreasonable, lawless individuals whose only motivation is to disturb the peaceful lives of those living in Tibet. There is no discussion of the protesters' political aims, and absolutely no mention of the aggressive actions of the Chinese military force. In fact, the Chinese police force are seen as innocent victims of the unruly protesters/rioters.
Probably the scariest part of this situation is how absolutely powerful the Chinese government is. The government announced that all protesting in Tibet and neighboring regions must end by midnight on Sunday (or else). (The "or else" is of my own adding, but it is very obviously implied by the decree). This really frightens me, because well, 1989 has already shown us what the Chinese government is capable of when they threaten "or else." They ain't bluffing; that's for sure.
So in my attempts to educate myself further in this topic, I've encountered as many problems as I expected to. Surprise surprise, all pages regarding Tibet are "inaccessible."
I've often talked about this casually in the past, but as you know, China has got a national firewall. This means, the Chinese government is constantly monitoring internet usage and actively censoring websites they deem inappropriate. I am not even exaggerating when I say that I am legitimately scared about what I write in this blog. (I guess the only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that all blogspot web addresses are already censored anyways! Though I really shouldn't joke about this. In the past, Chinese bloggers have gotten in serious serious trouble for criticizing the government in their personal blogs. So yes, I am actually a little scared.)
So what are some websites that are blocked in China, Wendy? Well, BBC News, youtube (sometimes), xanga, blogspot, all pages related to controversial Chinese topics (I won't list them here, since obviously the searches are keywords based, but I feel that they're pretty obvious) (and when I say all pages, I mean if you went to Google and searched for a controversial topic, you wouldn't even get any pages related to that topic in your search results), and most notably, Wikipedia. Access by anyone to any information, for free?? The government knows just how dangerous that can be.
And nearly every day I am reminded that I absolutely do not understand this country. And I make no claims to even begin understanding China. This country just functions on a completely different level than the U.S. It's something that cannot be put into words; it's just something that needs to be experienced.
I guess my conclusion to all this is that when it comes to authority in China, there is definitely an absolute right/wrong. And those authority figures really do take a "by any means necessary" attitude when it comes to enforcement. It's a kind of unwavering, clear-cut, and narrowly defined concept of right and wrong, of actions in violation and actions in obedience with the law (social laws and norms included). Based on history, and based on my own experiences here in Beijing (with security guards and police officers and domestic violence), I will say that I am deeply frightened by the amount/strength of force this country can inflict on human beings, simply in the exercise of power. I am even more frightened by the fact that I wholeheartedly believe that this country will really do whatever the fuck it takes to keep its people in line.
I'm not really sure what flavor kool-aid I was sipping when I went through my Chinese nationalist phase, but it's definitely worn off. And now for the first time, I'm taking a real hard look at all the issues China has in regards to violation of human rights. And I've got to say, I don't entirely know how I feel about being in this country. But who am I to talk really? I am a citizen, after all, of a country whose president recently vetoed a ban on the use of torture in CIA interrogations.
**Crossing my fingers hoping I seriously won't regret publishing this post when the Chinese feds come knocking on my door**
But today, I decided that it's important for me to brush off the laziness, and write.
If you've been following the news, you'll know that starting last Monday, there were anti-China protests going on in Tibet. The protests have escalated into rioting, and the Chinese government has issued a curfew in Lhasa, warning people to stay indoors for the next few DAYS.
But what you probably don't know, is the Chinese government's spin on this whole thing. First of all, the coverage of the protests is extremely extremely minimal. The story is briefly mentioned and is talked about as if the situation has been completely resolved (the few stories recently published focus on the cleaning up of debris in the streets and the reopening of shops, as well as quotes from residents expressing the sheer normalcy of their lives).
Not only that, but the news reports also put all the negative focus on the rioters, portraying them as unreasonable, lawless individuals whose only motivation is to disturb the peaceful lives of those living in Tibet. There is no discussion of the protesters' political aims, and absolutely no mention of the aggressive actions of the Chinese military force. In fact, the Chinese police force are seen as innocent victims of the unruly protesters/rioters.
Probably the scariest part of this situation is how absolutely powerful the Chinese government is. The government announced that all protesting in Tibet and neighboring regions must end by midnight on Sunday (or else). (The "or else" is of my own adding, but it is very obviously implied by the decree). This really frightens me, because well, 1989 has already shown us what the Chinese government is capable of when they threaten "or else." They ain't bluffing; that's for sure.
So in my attempts to educate myself further in this topic, I've encountered as many problems as I expected to. Surprise surprise, all pages regarding Tibet are "inaccessible."
I've often talked about this casually in the past, but as you know, China has got a national firewall. This means, the Chinese government is constantly monitoring internet usage and actively censoring websites they deem inappropriate. I am not even exaggerating when I say that I am legitimately scared about what I write in this blog. (I guess the only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that all blogspot web addresses are already censored anyways! Though I really shouldn't joke about this. In the past, Chinese bloggers have gotten in serious serious trouble for criticizing the government in their personal blogs. So yes, I am actually a little scared.)
So what are some websites that are blocked in China, Wendy? Well, BBC News, youtube (sometimes), xanga, blogspot, all pages related to controversial Chinese topics (I won't list them here, since obviously the searches are keywords based, but I feel that they're pretty obvious) (and when I say all pages, I mean if you went to Google and searched for a controversial topic, you wouldn't even get any pages related to that topic in your search results), and most notably, Wikipedia. Access by anyone to any information, for free?? The government knows just how dangerous that can be.
And nearly every day I am reminded that I absolutely do not understand this country. And I make no claims to even begin understanding China. This country just functions on a completely different level than the U.S. It's something that cannot be put into words; it's just something that needs to be experienced.
I guess my conclusion to all this is that when it comes to authority in China, there is definitely an absolute right/wrong. And those authority figures really do take a "by any means necessary" attitude when it comes to enforcement. It's a kind of unwavering, clear-cut, and narrowly defined concept of right and wrong, of actions in violation and actions in obedience with the law (social laws and norms included). Based on history, and based on my own experiences here in Beijing (with security guards and police officers and domestic violence), I will say that I am deeply frightened by the amount/strength of force this country can inflict on human beings, simply in the exercise of power. I am even more frightened by the fact that I wholeheartedly believe that this country will really do whatever the fuck it takes to keep its people in line.
I'm not really sure what flavor kool-aid I was sipping when I went through my Chinese nationalist phase, but it's definitely worn off. And now for the first time, I'm taking a real hard look at all the issues China has in regards to violation of human rights. And I've got to say, I don't entirely know how I feel about being in this country. But who am I to talk really? I am a citizen, after all, of a country whose president recently vetoed a ban on the use of torture in CIA interrogations.
**Crossing my fingers hoping I seriously won't regret publishing this post when the Chinese feds come knocking on my door**
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Wendy Meets Distant Family in Southern China--Thoughts, Part 1: Gender Roles
I just got back from one of the strangest familial interactions of this entire trip (possibly the strangest, but it's tough competition since there have been some pretty strange family interactions in the past few weeks).
Chinese culture is very patriarchal, as you may have been able to guess. Men sit around a table, sipping their tea, munching on snacks, while the women are in the kitchen preparing the food, pouring the tea, and cleaning up. And I am in a particularly odd situation. Would this happen at home, I'd probably be the one in the kitchen, offering to help, and definitely expected to help. But here, it's a little bit different, since I'm the guest. Not only that, but I'm the only guest, so there's no one to diffuse the good mannered-ness and politeness among (there is probably a better word for that, but I can't think of it right now. and it really seems like a chinese word would be more appropriate in this situation).
This is probably the first time in my life where I've had to act like an adult in a family situation, since I'm the only one here to represent my immediate family. Usually, as the fourth child, I get to run away from these familial obligations to the kids' room and just watch the 5 year olds play video games. And it's an especially awkward situation as I am young (22 years old as compared to the middle aged people around me) but not so young that I need someone else to speak for me (and seeing as how I'm completely alone in this situation, I literally have no one else to speak for me), and as I am an unmarried woman (I don't know how many times I've been asked if I have a boyfriend, especially when I bring up me meeting a "friend"). (And it seems so much that the defining act which makes one become an adult is, marriage.)
It's just been weird for me, in these interactions, because I feel very much the outsider. And I'm sure it has something to do with me being an American, and me being young, but the more I think about it, I realize it has very much to do with me being a woman. The table isn't set for me. It's set for the middle-aged Chinese men, who sit, have their food cooked for them, smoke their cigarettes around their babies who have their asses wiped for them by these men's wives, mothers, grandmothers, sisters, aunts, daughters even, I mean, any woman really, just not themselves.
I sit and observe and feel awkward and think, "Wow, this is exactly what happens in Chinese American families in the States too." I've often thought that the awkwardness of those sit-in-the-living-room-with-the-tv-on-in-the-background-sipping-tea-while-the-kids-are-making-a-fuss conversations was somehow a result of the interaction happening in the United States instead of in Asia, somehow a result of the immigration process. But it's not. It's just as awkward here in China.
Tonight I had a chance to sit at the big boys' table, to be a member of the boys' club of middle-aged Chinese men. I was given one of only 6 available wine glasses, and served wine by women my own mother's age and ganbei'd (cheers'd) glass after glass after glass of wine. I was a guest in the house, so I was served. 5 of the men in the house were guests, so they were served. But I sat silently as I watched 3 of the women in the house who were also guests, in the kitchen slicing apples, preparing tea, serving tea, wiping off tables, as I and the men sat and slowly got drunk and smoked cigarettes around their babies.
And now I feel sick to my stomach. I'm sure it had to do with the fact that the first bottle of wine we drank had gone sour (and had practically become vinegar), but no one in the place dared to admit that the wine that had been sitting for years (the cork broke upon opening = bad sign) had gone bad. Ironically, thanks to patriarchal norms, I get to pull the woman card and say that I couldn't drink that much (when quite honestly, I could probably outdrink most of these men). It's just unreal.
And moments like this make me think of my own future, and whether or not I'll have a family someday, and if I do, how I envision that family to be. I very much want to raise a "Chinese family," whatever that means. Chinese culture has become very important to me, but I do not want to be a part of the continuation of patriarchal practices (ie. I refuse to be the mother in the kitchen cooking food for my full grown son as he literally sits at the dinner table criticizing me for the food not being hot enough and requesting soy sauce for his bland chicken when he can very well cook his damn dinner and get his own damned soy sauce while slowly giving me cancer from his second-hand smoke. I bring up this example because I saw it happen).
And at the end of the day all I think is, These women are strong as hell. I hope someday to be half as strong as these women are. To be put through so much, and to have the patience for the men in their lives, and to still love and give their children all their hearts, it's awe-inspiring and a bit heart-breaking. The best that I can do is tell these women the food they've given me has filled me up but I can't ever express how much more it's provided me.
I am lucky and privileged, and sometimes I need to remind myself that.
Chinese culture is very patriarchal, as you may have been able to guess. Men sit around a table, sipping their tea, munching on snacks, while the women are in the kitchen preparing the food, pouring the tea, and cleaning up. And I am in a particularly odd situation. Would this happen at home, I'd probably be the one in the kitchen, offering to help, and definitely expected to help. But here, it's a little bit different, since I'm the guest. Not only that, but I'm the only guest, so there's no one to diffuse the good mannered-ness and politeness among (there is probably a better word for that, but I can't think of it right now. and it really seems like a chinese word would be more appropriate in this situation).
This is probably the first time in my life where I've had to act like an adult in a family situation, since I'm the only one here to represent my immediate family. Usually, as the fourth child, I get to run away from these familial obligations to the kids' room and just watch the 5 year olds play video games. And it's an especially awkward situation as I am young (22 years old as compared to the middle aged people around me) but not so young that I need someone else to speak for me (and seeing as how I'm completely alone in this situation, I literally have no one else to speak for me), and as I am an unmarried woman (I don't know how many times I've been asked if I have a boyfriend, especially when I bring up me meeting a "friend"). (And it seems so much that the defining act which makes one become an adult is, marriage.)
It's just been weird for me, in these interactions, because I feel very much the outsider. And I'm sure it has something to do with me being an American, and me being young, but the more I think about it, I realize it has very much to do with me being a woman. The table isn't set for me. It's set for the middle-aged Chinese men, who sit, have their food cooked for them, smoke their cigarettes around their babies who have their asses wiped for them by these men's wives, mothers, grandmothers, sisters, aunts, daughters even, I mean, any woman really, just not themselves.
I sit and observe and feel awkward and think, "Wow, this is exactly what happens in Chinese American families in the States too." I've often thought that the awkwardness of those sit-in-the-living-room-with-the-tv-on-in-the-background-sipping-tea-while-the-kids-are-making-a-fuss conversations was somehow a result of the interaction happening in the United States instead of in Asia, somehow a result of the immigration process. But it's not. It's just as awkward here in China.
Tonight I had a chance to sit at the big boys' table, to be a member of the boys' club of middle-aged Chinese men. I was given one of only 6 available wine glasses, and served wine by women my own mother's age and ganbei'd (cheers'd) glass after glass after glass of wine. I was a guest in the house, so I was served. 5 of the men in the house were guests, so they were served. But I sat silently as I watched 3 of the women in the house who were also guests, in the kitchen slicing apples, preparing tea, serving tea, wiping off tables, as I and the men sat and slowly got drunk and smoked cigarettes around their babies.
And now I feel sick to my stomach. I'm sure it had to do with the fact that the first bottle of wine we drank had gone sour (and had practically become vinegar), but no one in the place dared to admit that the wine that had been sitting for years (the cork broke upon opening = bad sign) had gone bad. Ironically, thanks to patriarchal norms, I get to pull the woman card and say that I couldn't drink that much (when quite honestly, I could probably outdrink most of these men). It's just unreal.
And moments like this make me think of my own future, and whether or not I'll have a family someday, and if I do, how I envision that family to be. I very much want to raise a "Chinese family," whatever that means. Chinese culture has become very important to me, but I do not want to be a part of the continuation of patriarchal practices (ie. I refuse to be the mother in the kitchen cooking food for my full grown son as he literally sits at the dinner table criticizing me for the food not being hot enough and requesting soy sauce for his bland chicken when he can very well cook his damn dinner and get his own damned soy sauce while slowly giving me cancer from his second-hand smoke. I bring up this example because I saw it happen).
And at the end of the day all I think is, These women are strong as hell. I hope someday to be half as strong as these women are. To be put through so much, and to have the patience for the men in their lives, and to still love and give their children all their hearts, it's awe-inspiring and a bit heart-breaking. The best that I can do is tell these women the food they've given me has filled me up but I can't ever express how much more it's provided me.
I am lucky and privileged, and sometimes I need to remind myself that.
