Balance.

Overall, I would say that my students do not have discipline problems.

Right now I am teaching 3 different sets of students. Even though all 3 sections are registered at the same level of English ability in the school, it is very very clear that they are not at the same level (even within a single class, some students have no idea what I'm saying, while other students understand everything). That makes teaching very challenging. Do I spend my time giving individual attention to the students who are obviously struggling, while making the other students sit and wait until I'm done? Do I just keep trucking along because I don't want the students who are doing well to be "held back"?

What I've learned in college is that to solve this problem, students should be learning from each other, not just from me. So I should give them group work, have each student specialize in one thing, and have them teach each other. That way each student is doing independent work, each student can master a specific area, and everyone is learning. Now in practice, that is so hard to implement. Especially if a student can barely write or comprehend a simple sentence.

I brought up the discipline issue because (surprise, surprise) in the class with the lowest English comprehension level, the students are having the most difficulty focusing. In those classes, I have students who like to make jokes with the teacher, ie. talk back to me in a joking manner, make smart aleck-y comments, or make other comments to distract the class. And without fail, those students are the ones who have the most trouble understanding English.

Now what to do? I know this sounds awful. But many times, what I end up doing is just being really mean to the student who talks back (read: the student who is struggling the most) and ignore that student (usually a man). And then I'll pay extra attention to the students who understand me and do all their assignments (usually the women). This makes perfect sense (to me) on a classroom management level, ignore the student who is making a commotion and that student won't make a commotion anymore since ze isn't getting any attention from the teacher.

But in terms of helping students academically, it doesn't make any sense at all... I'm ignoring the student who needs the most help (who is acting out because ze doesn't understand the material) and focusing on the students who are already doing fine? I mean, it's the easiest route for me.

I really need to challenge myself constantly. I can't help but favor the students who do well in class. I favor the students who volunteer to speak in class. I favor the students who are the most fluent in English (and thus feel comfortable enough to volunteer in class). And to be completely honest, I favor the students who are better looking, who smile the most, who carry themselves with confidence, who initiate conversations with me.

Today in class there was a student who was obviously in tears. Maybe not directly my fault (since I wasn't yelling at her or picking on her), but I'm sure indirectly my fault since she was probably crying because she didn't understand what I was saying. She never volunteers in class. She never asks questions. Half the time she's not looking at me since she's looking into her electronic dictionary. Her homework assignments are incomprehensible. She obviously has no clue what's going on in class or with assignments. And I've known this. But I didn't make an effort to do anything. She had to literally cry, for me to notice, for me to actually do something. That, I would say, is not being a good teacher Wendy.