i'm seriously worried.

i'm sick again. for those of you who talk to me regularly, you know that i just got over being sick about a week ago. and i'm sick again. so in the past 4 weeks, i've spent 3 of those 4 weeks being sick. this is not okay. something is not right. the awful part is that, it's just a cold. day after day after day, it's just a sore throat, sniffliness, congestion, slight cough. never a fever. never vomiting. never anything to get serious about, until the symptoms last for weeks!

for anyone who reads the New York Times, you'll know that they have, essentially, a China bashing series (remember that this is coming from Chinese nationalist Wendy). and the latest one is about truck pollution and their use of cheap, low grade diesel fuel. now normally, I read the series and I wholly acknowledge the problem the article addresses as a serious one for China, but I have usually have an immediate nationalist reaction of "Oh yeah?! Well, well, the United States has got a shit-ton of its own damn problems so shut up!" but this time, i was more than a hundred percent on board with the author.

and in the past few days, i have been thinking that it's got to be a combination of the dry, cold weather, my overall lack of healthy exercising behavior, and the freaking pollution that is killing me here. now i completely recognize that my not exercising regularly and irregular sleeping pattern is unhealthy and harmful, but those behaviors have, unfortunately, been my bad habits for the past 4 years. what has been different is that it's really freaking cold here, the air quality is absolutely in the shitter, and i strain my voice constantly.

the pollution is 100 times worse than L.A. and i've lived in L.A. my entire life, so that's saying a fucking lot. okay, so in L.A. we have the haze, and we have the layer of brown that lingers right above buildings, which eventually fades into blue skies. but hey, at least in l.a. it eventually fades out. in beijing, there are days, when literally, the entire sky is gray, and it's from the pollution. not to mention the fact that regulations regarding emissions are not even remotely close to being as strict as they are in the states, and that cigarette smoking is allowed everywhere (and the cigarettes are a lot worse for your health here too). so yes, i am worried for my health.

I hope that when the weather gets warmer, I won't get sick as much. But seriously I'm worried. What if I never get better and I have to go home early? That's going to suck.

Yet another reason, I don't want to teach as a career: You can't ditch your own classes when you feel sick or tired. I am exposed to coughing, sniffling students all day (about 60 different ones), and then when I'm sick I have to continue talking and I don't get time to heal. And on top of that, I'm cranky and the students don't respond well to a cranky, sick teacher.

oh yeah, and i get cold sores here, since i get them when my immune system is down. and since i'm sick all the time, that means yep, cold sores all the time. real attractive, teacher.

sorry, i didn't mean for that to sound all pissy. But I'm sick, and I don't like it.